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Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Oh, Rats!

Oh, Rats!



Several readers have asked where the name of my blog came from.  I was watching a rerun episode of Gordon Ramsey’s Kitchen Nightmares.  Gordon screamed for the sous chef to step forward after a guest returned their entrée.   The tirade that ensued has become a Ramsey trademark.  “You could have killed somebody, this chicken is raw” he yelled.  He then slammed the plate to the kitchen floor and told the chef to “Feed it to the dog!”  
Gordon Ramsey’s reality shows aren't just about television ratings to me.  They have shined the spotlight on the restaurant industry’s dirty secrets that are hidden behind swinging doors and closed walls.   Eating undercooked food is never a good idea, but mistakes do happen in restaurant kitchens.  The fact is being served undercooked food is the least of your worries when dining out.  I was going to title this article “How healthy is your favorite restaurant,” but decided a name change needed to be made. The following story is true and without embellishment.
In the summer of 1978 I worked at a restaurant in my hometown of Gloucester Massachusetts.  It was located on the water and sat atop wooden pilings.  It wasn’t a glamorous job, but at age thirteen, it paid the bills.  I was paid the minimum wage $2.65 an hour to wash dishes and perform food prep work.  It was hard work that sometimes involved working sixty hours per week.  The pot sink was often piled high until midnight or later.  During those early morning hours, when the ovens were off and the cooks were gone, the wharf rats would arrive.  Despite the loud kitchen music, the rats would scurry behind the equipment and eat anything that had fallen on the floor.  They would dart in and out of the holes in the walls, trying to avoid the numerous traps.  Occasionally I would hear a loud snap, followed by the whimpering of the unfortunate prey.  The sounds gave me nightmares and I was forever petrified of rats.
The real scary part was, that despite the deceased vermin, the restaurant was still serving food and it didn’t seem to bother anyone.  As an outspoken teen, I complained to management that the problem needed to be addressed.  I’d like to tell you that the solution of chicken wire prevented further issues, but rats are very smart and always seemed to find a way into the kitchen.  As my career progressed into my early 20’s, I started any new job with mantra “When there’s time to lean, there’s time to clean.  I stole that phrase from Chef John Thrasher, who I had met in my late teens.   John gave me the impetus to make sure I would never work in a dirty kitchen again.
In 2009 I was managing a restaurant that I had spent seventeen years creating an environment of "clean".  The employees understood my philosophy and were committed to keeping this place the cleanest in Sanibel Island Florida.  I was never hesitant about allowing guests to enter the back of the house.  Life was good, but after leaving my job in early January of that year, my life was about to be turned upside down.
A few months later I found myself about to take a job at McT’s Shrimphouse & Tavern, also in Sanibel Island.  This restaurant was just down the street from my previous employer and was once the busiest restaurant on the island.  After twenty-nine years in business, McT’s had fallen on hard times; due in part to a nasty reputation that had been plaguing the establishment since the early 2000’s.  
When I went to meet the owners at the restaurant, the stench of the dumpster was chocking me as I exited my car.  The dumpster was placed just outside the kitchen door, and the garbage that surrounded it was an eyesore.  As I entered the kitchen, the smell of urine was nauseating, and followed me as I moved towards the dining room.  I could see live cockroaches moving around the food-littered floor.  As the owners greeting me, I could see a look of please help us in their eyes.  There was one year left on their lease, and they wanted to turn the business around and try to sell the name to the next owner.  After agreeing to give me full control of the business, I accepted the task of cleaning this place up and got to work immediately.  If there was anybody who could turn things around here, it was me.  I would quickly find out, I was about to relive the nightmare of my early teens.
My first night was filled with ant and cockroach sightings in the dining room.  In the office behind the bar, I could hear the rats running around the walls and the ceiling support beams.  At 1 AM after the bar had closed, I made my way through the dining room and could see rats dancing in the shadows.  I made my way to the kitchen with a flashlight, and was greeted by dozens of fleeing rats as I opened the door.  What had I gotten myself into?  
The following day I went on-line and researched the health inspections.  There were so many major violations; it was hard to understand why the state of Florida had not closed this business.  The lack of state oversight was putting the public’s lives in jeopardy.  The health department wasn’t the only party at fault here, and it was time to confront the chef.  Chef Ray was working in kitchen conditions that could only be described as third world.  His kitchen smelled of death and his only defense was “This is what I inherited when I came here four years ago.”  I was astonished that he had worked four years in the conditions.  A week later I would find several grease covered dead rats behind the kitchen equipment, and Ray was immediately fired.  
With the help of some dedicated employees, the daunting task of cleaning the business and killing the rats would commence.  .  A professional extermination company was called in, and the holes in the roof and walls were sealed.  Rat traps were set nightly, and a total of 190 rats were killed in the first thirty days.  The only rats that remained were the ones living in the building. I lost thirty pounds during the first month, and later learned I was being sickened by the rat feces and urine.  During the second month another 140 rats were killed and the building was finally rat free.  A decade of filth, in which this business had probably sickened hundreds or thousands of people, was cleaned up in months.  The business closed in June of 2010 and was sold soon thereafter.
I wish I could tell you my story is an isolated one.  There are thousands of restaurants just like McT’s serving food in America.  These days, I find myself disgusted when reading online restaurant Health Reports.  Dirty knives and cutting boards, warm refrigerators, lack of hot water, poor staff hygiene, cigarette smoking employees and improper chemical storage are just a few of the problem areas  that restaurants need to work on.  The majority of restaurants in this country don’t adhere to health codes, lack certified food managers, and are simply not clean.  
Check out your favorite restaurants health reports online, and get ready to be shocked.

Have a great night out, and when you get to the host desk, tell 'em Brian wants to know how clean the kitchen is!  Please leave comments and answer the poll question.  Thanks again!
Brian Silveira is a restaurateur and food lover from Fort Myers, Florida.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Something isn't Right!

Something isn’t right!

It was just the way I like it.  A simple, perfect plan, that started with dinner at 6:00 PM, followed by an 8:00 movie, and then back to the house for a clothing optional Jacuzzi.  If all goes well, my wife and I will be out of the 120 degree water by 11:00, and into the bedroom shortly thereafter.  Who’s smarter than me?  Don't answer that until you "Read the rest of the story." Thanks Paul Harvey!

Okay, so it’s not entirely romantic, especially when you consider I am planning the exact time at which I plan to give the Tempurpedic  the bounce test.  Before you question my need to plan a mattress warranty experiment, there are some factors you need to consider.  First of all, I am a man.  Heard enough ladies?  Guys, you know what I'm talking about, right?  Behind every romantic man, there's always  a motive.

This is how I envisioned my night out. I followed my own advice, and researched TripAdvisor for the best restaurant in Fort Myers.  With a 6:00 PM reservation confirmed, we should be seated no later than 6:15.  We’ll have drinks by 6:25, appetizers by 6:35, and entrees by 7:00.  At this point, I’ll be feeling like Hannibal Smith from the 1980’s sitcom The A-team.  Ah yes, “I Love it when a plan comes together!”  

I will take a post-meal restroom break just after finishing my entrée at about 7:15.  I find my Cialis works better with a full stomach.  I know what you're thinking.  “Why is Brian taking Cialis at his age?”  If you must know, Viagra and Levitra gave me headaches and blurred my vision, but that's not important.   Now that we've discussed my erectile dysfunction, let's get back to my night out.

On my way back from my 20mg uplifting lavatory break, I’ll grab the waitress.  Let me rephrase that, I’ll get the waitresses attention and order the chocolate lava cake, two spoons, and a celebratory candle.  The candle is to let my wife know that every night out with her is special.  Actually, I’m just trying to increase the odds of getting’ some action later.  Did you forget I was a man?  After finishing dessert at 7:40, we’ll pay the bill and  leave for the movies.  After two hours of laughing at the movies, everything else will slide into place. No pun intended. 

The following is what actually happened.  After an amazingly friendly greeting at the host desk, we were seated at 6:05.  My plan was perfect, but just a few minutes later, something isn’t right.  In the back of my mind I could hear John Madden's voice saying: "On paper, Brian looked great,  but that's why you play game."  A quick look up at the "game clock" showed 6:20 PM.  Where, and more importantly, who was our server?  At this point a waitress darted by the table and yelled , “I’ll be right with you.”  Why go see The Hangover II at 8:00, when our waitress could provide us with that nauseous feeling for free?

What the hell?  Okay, It’s not that bad yet, I’ll just make a few adjustments and we’ll be ready to order drinks, appetizers and entrees, when and if she returns.  It's 6:30 and she’s back, more frazzled than ever and apologetically says, “I’ll be right with you.”  My patience is wearing thin at this point, and I think we need to call a time out and find the manager.  Twenty five minutes without anything in front of us is too long.  Just as I get up, she's appears behind me like David Copperfield.  “Okay, did you want something to drink?”  Oh no, it’s worse than I thought, it must be her first night.  What happened to “Hello, how are you tonight?”  

I make a fleeting attempt to get this night back on track. With a jovial tone I announce, “We’re ready to order everything, not just drinks!” 
It is at this point, our dining experience could be better described Tom Cruise’s Mission Impossible Ghost Protocol being revealed before its December release date.  “I can only take your drink order,” she retorted.  This of course was done while she was chewing gum, and staring at another table that was flagging her down.  As my wife started to order a Margarita, she excused herself to attend to what was now a rather upset guest. 

She was about to add one, and possibly two more upset guests to her list.  She returned four minutes later, but it seemed like an eternity.  I made it very simple at this point.  We order dessert, entrees, appetizers and drinks in that order, at which time I stated that the drinks should be served first with a manager delivering them.  I'm not going to bore you with the gruesome details of how this dining adventure ended, because I'm sure you've been there, and done that.  Poor, inefficient service had cancelled my late evening shuttle launch and God only knows when the timing would be right to restart the countdown. 

By the time we finally left the restaurant it was 8:30. We had missed the movie, and my wife had come down with "a headache" and I ended up  sleeping on the couch alone, watching Cinemax.  Was this a bit of Karma coming back to teach me yet another important life lesson.  Actually,  I had only myself to blame for this disastrous evening.

Sure I had everything except penetration calculated down to the minute, but I had forgotten the most important part of dining out.  That’s right; I didn’t make sure to get a stellar server.


What could I have done?  Well, I will now give you a few tips to insure you get a great server.  I call them the FOUR R’s.

 
  1. RESEARCH.   When you find a great restaurant review, make a note about the server that is mentioned in it.  Keep the name handy, and when you arrive at the host desk, don’t be afraid to ask for that server by name.
  2. RESERVE. When you make your reservation, let the host know you are celebrating a special occasion and would like to also reserve a great server. 
  3. REQUEST.  If you don’t have a particular server’s name, request the best server in the house when you check in.  Let the host know that you are willing to wait for a great server.  Believe me, the host staff knows who the best servers are, and more importantly, they know who the bad ones are.
  4. RECORD.  That’s right, keep records.  When you find an outstanding restaurant, keep track of the best servers, the drinks and the food.  Keep a dining diary in the glove box of your car with the day, date, restaurant and servers name.  To jog your memory before your next visit, write a mini-review of your experience.
By not following the FOUR R’s, you are putting a night of fun and possibly some late night frolicking at RISK. 

Have a great night out, and when you get to the host desk, tell 'em Brian told you to ask for the best server in the house!  Please leave comments and answer the poll question.  Thanks again!

Brian Silveira is a restaurateur and food lover from Fort Myers, Florida.